God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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