I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
