carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
