Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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