About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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