It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
