I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
