I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
