Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
