Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
