He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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