its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
