how can u be prego again
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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