Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
