oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
