I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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