My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
