I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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