K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
