I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
