Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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