I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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