i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
