now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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