32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
