He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
