I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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