I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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