I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We have started to decorate penises.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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