girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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