dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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