I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
