where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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