There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
