I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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