So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
