I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
