yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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