i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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