That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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