Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
