I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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