If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
