You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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