i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
