New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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