Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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