I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
