You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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