your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
