At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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