i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
id be glad to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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