Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it's like iHOP with fire
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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