dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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