When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
