instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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