hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
