i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
