let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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