Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
