The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
