i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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