Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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