I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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