I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
