I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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