I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
