I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
