what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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