Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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