did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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