this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
