Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
