i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
