I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
