was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
