If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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