your thong is hanging out like whoa
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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