I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
