he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
