Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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